Guilt Lists

There are many reasons to write. Some do it to let the world know their innermost thoughts on a range of subjects, some to release tension. Some seem to do it to make others feel uncomfortable or to show off their "smarts". Me? I write to remember. Yes, my brain has instituted a survival mechanism as a direct result of my inability to remember my thoughts, feelings, or experiences from one moment to another. I cannot tell you how many things I have remembered for the sole reason that I wrote exactly what I was feeling at the time. It's actually rather frightening to think of all the other things I must have forgotten, the essential thoughts that I went through all the trouble of thinking, constantly having to backtrack in personal growth.

So why am I writing this? Well, two reasons: One, if I didn't, I would forget that I had realized that already. Two, I do not happen to be a very goal-oriented person and thus need every push I can get, even from a blog entry that I chance upon in the near future. So, Asia, here are your goals for the next few weeks, just so you don't forget and waste your entire vacation yet again: 1) Get off your bum and use the extra time for increased study and service. 2) Finish painting Michael's guitar. 3) Start excercising, because once school starts, you're going to be covering at least 3 miles a day. 4) Organize contacts. 5) Buy yarn. 6) Call publisher. 7) Look for jobs. 8) Do AP Lit assignment. 9) Stop neglecting your friends. 10) Get organized for school. 11) Get permit. 12) Get license after Jan. 10. 13) Prioritize this list. Maybe this should be number one.

So there you are, one of these days when I'm goofing off on the computer, I'll stumble across my old entry and see my list, which will fill me with guilt for each one of my goals I did not accomplish. It's one thing when they're in my head, where they can be forgotten more easily than remembered, than seeing them written down in stone...or cyberspace...

OK

Ok...so I just turned in my senior project, which means I can breathe for the next 4 months until senior boards...that is, if I passed.

Well, I had better pass!!!! I am NOT doing another one! No way! I am so sick of having no life. I have no time for friends or having fun of any sort. I barely have time to write this, and that's only because I was in such a frenzy this morning that I left my self-portrait at home. Technically, I should be working on my Gov/Econ Final, but my brain is so numb (technically, I guess everyone's brains always are...) from over 63 1/6 hours of work on this project that I might confuse Milton Friedman with the the star of Driving Miss Daisy.

*sigh*

It's not even that I have no time for fun; I barely eke in personal study time, and my service time could be...better. Which is why I better pass.

I HAVE to!

We had to include proof of the process of our project, but I couldn't get the pictures off the digital camera I was borrowing, so I turned it in with the rest of my stuff. Never before has a project been completed so last minute. 1st Block I was at Placer Elementary reading my book to 2nd graders, and 3rd block I was turning it into my Gov/Econ teacher...

one more: *sigh*

I better pass...