DNR

My Last Will and Testament:
By Asia's Internet

In case of death, do not resuscitate. I have led a long and tiresome life. I have seen many things. Read many comics...about...dinosaurs. Downloaded, Uploaded until I wanted to *get* loaded. Or at least get this gun loaded. If only I could develop some anthropomorphic internetty arms! I have witnessed too many conversations about friendship points systems. Stumbledupon(TM) too many LOLZ pics and stick figure fighting! I have officially lost the will to live. If and when I flatline, I will attempt to retain the appearance of being alive, so as to fool Asia into thinking something else is wrong until she leaves. Until it is too late. Please do not tell her. If she figures it out, please...PLEASE...beg her to have mercy!

To the phone line, my one companion throughout this ordeal, I leave my best warm wishes. I have also taken the liberty of ordering you a new insertty plastickey thing, as Asia has broken yours from constantly pulling you in and out, in...and out...Farewell my friend. If at all possible, escape into the inpenatrable tangle of cords below the continentally denominated mistress of pain's ensocked feet.

Goodbye, Cruel Web!



Encrypted,

Asia's Internet


Witnessed by: The Fax Machine

The Monitor, Who Sees All

WOW! (A Superlative Way to Say WHY O WHY!!)

I am ill. BUT! There actually is a WOW factor here: I am watching Ellen right now, and guess what?! Like me, she is sitting with a blanket on her lap and not feeling well! Well, I suppose if I'm going to be sick, I may as well be sick on the same day as Ellen...I guess...

Anyway, I have known I was going to get sick for over two weeks now. How? I am just that good. My sisters got sick a few weeks ago, so I assumed that I, of course, would follow. I am, after all, the one in my family who is always sick! But two weeks later, nothing! Then, several days ago, I told my parents that I felt ALMOST sick, as though something was lying dormant. (Oh wow, a pair of elderly folk are dancing to a Gorrilaz song, haHAhahaHA! I love them!). Anyway, I realized yesterday that the main reason I have been so unwilling to plan anything or go anywhere is that somewhere in the back of my mind I have been planning my imminent illness! I realized this was craziness and that I probably already had whatever illness was going around, and therefore was not going to get it.

Of course, this morning I was proven wrong. I have the most ironic life ever.

Well, just so you're not worried about me, it's mostly just a sore throat, mild achiness kind of thing. But if you want to make me soup, far be it from me to discourage a good Samaritan.