Guilt Lists

There are many reasons to write. Some do it to let the world know their innermost thoughts on a range of subjects, some to release tension. Some seem to do it to make others feel uncomfortable or to show off their "smarts". Me? I write to remember. Yes, my brain has instituted a survival mechanism as a direct result of my inability to remember my thoughts, feelings, or experiences from one moment to another. I cannot tell you how many things I have remembered for the sole reason that I wrote exactly what I was feeling at the time. It's actually rather frightening to think of all the other things I must have forgotten, the essential thoughts that I went through all the trouble of thinking, constantly having to backtrack in personal growth.

So why am I writing this? Well, two reasons: One, if I didn't, I would forget that I had realized that already. Two, I do not happen to be a very goal-oriented person and thus need every push I can get, even from a blog entry that I chance upon in the near future. So, Asia, here are your goals for the next few weeks, just so you don't forget and waste your entire vacation yet again: 1) Get off your bum and use the extra time for increased study and service. 2) Finish painting Michael's guitar. 3) Start excercising, because once school starts, you're going to be covering at least 3 miles a day. 4) Organize contacts. 5) Buy yarn. 6) Call publisher. 7) Look for jobs. 8) Do AP Lit assignment. 9) Stop neglecting your friends. 10) Get organized for school. 11) Get permit. 12) Get license after Jan. 10. 13) Prioritize this list. Maybe this should be number one.

So there you are, one of these days when I'm goofing off on the computer, I'll stumble across my old entry and see my list, which will fill me with guilt for each one of my goals I did not accomplish. It's one thing when they're in my head, where they can be forgotten more easily than remembered, than seeing them written down in stone...or cyberspace...

OK

Ok...so I just turned in my senior project, which means I can breathe for the next 4 months until senior boards...that is, if I passed.

Well, I had better pass!!!! I am NOT doing another one! No way! I am so sick of having no life. I have no time for friends or having fun of any sort. I barely have time to write this, and that's only because I was in such a frenzy this morning that I left my self-portrait at home. Technically, I should be working on my Gov/Econ Final, but my brain is so numb (technically, I guess everyone's brains always are...) from over 63 1/6 hours of work on this project that I might confuse Milton Friedman with the the star of Driving Miss Daisy.

*sigh*

It's not even that I have no time for fun; I barely eke in personal study time, and my service time could be...better. Which is why I better pass.

I HAVE to!

We had to include proof of the process of our project, but I couldn't get the pictures off the digital camera I was borrowing, so I turned it in with the rest of my stuff. Never before has a project been completed so last minute. 1st Block I was at Placer Elementary reading my book to 2nd graders, and 3rd block I was turning it into my Gov/Econ teacher...

one more: *sigh*

I better pass...

Late! I'm Late! For So Many Important Dates!

Yes, I am home from school once again, and why? Because I was too late to go to school. I got out, the late bell rang, and I ran back into the car. I couldn't go late again. Besides, I have SO much work to do...Ahem...

Senior Project: Can anyone say "haven't started"?

Take Home Gov/Econ Midterm: 55 Impossibly difficult "modified multiple choice" questions in which any number of the options could be right! Or wrong! Which you probably guessed!

Gov/Econ Essay(s): I have to write 3 essays by Wednesday based on 3 different prompts just so I can be prepared for the quickwrite portion of the midterm, where a random student will pull our prompt out of a hat.

Play: Yeah, definitely supposed to have all my lines memorized by 3:00 today...

I'm going to go curl up in a corner and mutter now...

Well, here I am, home, sick. No school for me today. Does that make me feel nice and relaxed? Um, no. It's just another reason to stress, because NOW I will have to spend days catching up. And I have a test in Spanish 3 tomorrow.

In other news, it turns out lonelygirl15 is a fake. Oh well.

Did you know that when you have a sore throat and are congested that many annoying people like to call you?

Well, I guess I'd better get started on my senior project now; everyone keeps telling me my life depends on it...

tata

Insanity?

Just a few words to say about the recent heightened airport security:

Have things been carried too far? This blogger says: undeniably, yes. My cousin was visiting San Clemente when the whole thing started. For her return trip, she had to wake up at 4:00 a.m. to wait in the security lines. Ahead of her, a girl was on the floor crying her eyes out because she had just been forced to throw away all of her obviously new, still-in-the-bag makeup. They also made everyone take off their shoes to go through the detectors (even flip-flops!); when my cousin stopped to tie her shoes afterward, she recieved a stare-down from a security guard who found her actions suspicious.
If one buys the AIRPORT's food, AFTER going through the detectors, they STILL have to throw it away before getting on the plane!

The thing here that really bothers me is that we had this kind of heightened security right after 9/11. Of course no one tries anything during this kind of paranoia, but it always wanes down. People always forget. Besides, if anyone really wanted to get something onto the plane, they could. I guarantee it. Oh, and if one is with a baby? They get to keep the baby food. Like they'd be above taking a baby with them.

"We should just get our own planes and become pilots," I jokingly said to my cousin. But, no. She went on to tell me that a pilot friend of ours who has a personal plane also has to deal with this. When under high security, he has to have his plane searched.

I don't know who they think they're kidding. They can't stop anything if the person really want to do it. It's all just a show, if you ask me. But then again...you didn't.

Closer and Closer...

This past weekend, I was at the District Convention of Jehovah's Witnesses. The theme was "Deliverance at Hand". Never before has there been so much emphasis on the fact that we are closer than ever to the last days. Never before have they been so frank and forward about certain subjects that many have brushed off in the past as mere "conscience matters". I wrote them all down as they were given, in very clear list format. The drama made it clear that we need to listen to Jehovah and an accurate knowledge of what his will is is the only way to do this. Otherwise, we could end up like the "man of God", who listened to the old prophet instead of following Jehovah's command. The old prophet said in the drama "I am a prophet, just like you, and an angel of Jehovah told me to ask you to come back and eat with me" ,or something like that. The man convinced himself that this must be all clear with Jehovah and didn't even consult Him in the matter, bringing upon himself dire consequences. This paralelled the Isrealites' attitude toward the apostate orders of Jeraboam and directly relates to us in these critical times where it is so easy to be misled. This district convention will go down into my book of turning points; it made it very clear what is required, and I saw things in myself that I need to take immediate action to change and improve in, with Jehovah's help.

Feeling...?

You know what I hate? I hate how I never know just how I feel about any one thing at any one time...I mean, I think I know, but then I change my mind later, and I don't know which I really think. The only time I'm ever certain of how I should feel is when I take into account Biblical principles and really study into it, even when it means getting out My Book of Bible Stories, getting back to basics. ;-) Well, I guess what I mean is that I have trouble knowing what I mean half the time. Tomorrow, I'll probably look at this blog and think "What was I thinking?" I keep a handwritten journal, and I'm constantly thinking, "Who is this crazy person???" I write poetry, and people interpret it, and I say "Uh...sure, that's what it means..." because I really don't know, and their interpretation is often better than mine.

I also hate how I have this knowledge of my limitations, but seem to have trouble bringing my self to put forth any sort of effort to fix these. I feel overwhelmed by these limitations to the point where I just end up staring, feeling completely hopeless, and of course that just makes me feel stupider, *cough*, more stupid...

Well, I am typing this paragraph a few days later, and I was right: I am crazy. Wait. That makes no sense. That's a paradox. Never mind.

I just took my pre-calculus final, and I think I did pretty well, except this one problem that I'm not quite sure of...This was my answer at the end:

--> No points of inflection
--> Intervals of concavity: (-infinite, 0) f '(-1)=whatever
therefore inc/dec
(0, infinite)f '(1)=whatever
therefore inc/dec

I think I might have missed something...why would he put that on the final? The only thing keeping it from being (-inf, inf) was the asymptote at zero. So, either I did something wrong, or my teacher is a cheeseface who likes to confuse me. Well, it was my last day in that class, can't change it now!

It was also my last day of U.S. History. That was a great class, great teacher. At the end of class today, after the ENORMOUS final, Mr. Lundberg told us what an awesome class we were, and I thought that was pretty nice, but then he went down all of our names and told us what he thought of each and every one of us. When he got to me, he said "Asia? Asia has a quiet confidence about her. What I like about her is that she knows who she is. She has a very strong faith, too, and she is unwavering in that, and I appreciate that." I thought that was really nice of him.

Still Holding My Breath...

I tried to heave a big sigh of relief today now that my debate is over (Yay! God won!), but I now have to do all my pre-calculus homework and perfect a poem for tomorrow's slam competition and work on that musical that's coming up next week. I got the part of Clementine in the Paper Bag Bandit!!! So, I'm still holding my breath. I hope I get to heave that sigh sometime soon.

Yaaawwwwnnn...

This was the...slowest...week...ever....It was my first week back from spring break, which was fairly uneventful itself, other than the memorial, assembly, and good service time I got in, but this week just dragged on and on. This is not to say I have been lacking in things to do, oh no. I was swamped on all sides by my teachers' last ditch efforts to teach us, but it was all so...sluggish. Next week promises to be just as awful: 3 (4?) days of STAR testing followed by a Friday and Monday of Trig finals + the essay for US History (about the effects of Puritan and Frontier heritage on the behavior of Americans in times of crisis)+ the unit final in US History + the skit in Drama 2 I was supposed to perform today, but we ran out of time + costume crew + that poem I have to write for Creative writing + my life! And that's just next week! Oh yeah, + the debate on THE EXISTENCE OF GOD that I have to do with this guy who has totally different, unbending beliefs no matter how much I try to reason with him.

NOnononono

I absolutely, indisputably, unquestionably, undeniably, inarguably, and definitely for sure do NOT want to start my homework. That is why I am here loyal non-existent readers. I am here to write this to put off doing the writing I am actually supposed to be doing ...Oh no! I can't seem to think of anything to write! And I don't want to fill my blog with trivial nonsense! What am I to do? I suppose I have no choice. I must...do...my...homework...

After the Talk

After the Talk
Originally uploaded by abdurmalik.

After the Memorial talk, I talked to a girl who I go to school with who is studying with a sister in Loomis. (Abdur's photo) Then it was off to Great Aunt Lou Jean's for goodies and an Andrew Lloyd Webber special on tape. :) That was unexpected, but being the huge musical fan that I am, I was just fine with it.

Security?

Has anybody else read the book The Blue Nowhere? That will scare you out of checking your email for a week! I consider myself fairly fluent in the computer/internet world, but some of the stuff in there knocked my socks off for sheer "I can't believe I didn't know that"-ness. It made it seem like we are all vulnerable, no matter what we do. I know it is a work of fiction, and parts of it are most likely obsolete by now, but it just leaves one to wonder: What else don't we know? What else is happening every day that we just aren't aware of?

Now that you all (Who all?) see me for the paranoid loser I am, I have other news very recently developed (like the last minute). I seem to be developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Ouch. Oh, yes, I'm a hypochondriac too. I hereby thank every person who has put up with me for the least amount of time over the years or who will in the future. Out.

The Definition

Blog: 1)an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; also called Weblog, Web log
2)a personal Web site that provides updated headlines and news articles of other sites that are of interest to the user, also may include journal entries, commentaries and recommendations compiled by the user
3)tangible evidence that one is so vain as to think that their random thoughts put into list form will entertain for hours.

Enjoy my blog, whichever definition you choose to attribute to it.